And Sometimes
by Kannachan27
Summary: And sometimes people do stupid things, stupid, terrible things that can make or break a relationship. And soemtimes everything is wonderful, and everything is perfect. And sometimes they can only try to get it right, even as it keeps going all wrong. SxR


Sometimes, Riku and Sora were madly in love. Well, that's not true. They were always in love. With each other. No matter what, after everything that they had been through, after being separated for so long, and searching for each other, they had found each other again, and they would stay together. Or, at least, they would stay in love.

With each other.

---

Sometimes, Riku and Sora were so madly in love that everyone around them had to turn away. Sora's bright, cheerful smile, although muted since they had come home, to their island, was still radiating joy though he had changed. Though he had grown up, and learned that not everything was love and happiness, or peace and kindness. Not everything was nice, or light, or pure. There was hatred and rage, and sadness, and everything else.

Riku's happiness was more quiet, muted more than it had been back then, back when he had been struggling. When he had wanted more than anything to leave this island, that had become a prison.

Riku looked at Sora, and it was as if nobody else existed. His eyes were deep, and filled with love and adoration. And something else, that nobody else seemed to place. But that was alright. Because Sora knew, and Sora could fix it.

And when Sora looked back at Riku, his smile grew smaller, and much more quiet. It was as if there had been a lid clamped down on his happiness, though it radiated from his eyes. Eyes that were blue and so, so deep, and loving, and there was just so much pride and forgiveness and joy and _love_ in them when he looked at Riku.

Everyone had to look away from the two, try not to intrude. When they were together, it was as if the whole world didn't exist.

The only other person who was allowed to enter into their world was Kairi. But even the Princess of Heart didn't dare intrude. Not when they were looking at each other like that, not when it was so private, and when she should not disturb them.

There were too few days like that. She couldn't intrude on them.

-----

And sometimes, Riku was romantic.

Sora usually put together their dates and the dinners and he made the plans. Sora usually made sure that the schedules were not so packed that they couldn't leave the mainland every once and a while, in order to have their alone time. He made sure that, even though they were older now, and wiser, that even though they were wise beyond their time, and their eyes showed with the force of a million lifetimes of _anything_, that they could do something together.

Even when they couldn't go to a restaurant, or to a movie, or have a night where they just goofed off and pretended to be kids again, Sora made sure that they could do something.

Sora's favorite spur of the moment activity was when they had snuck out of the house that they shared with Kairi--because Kairi had extra room, and she knew that the boys didn't want to go back to their families, who would try to treat them the same, even when it was so obvious that they _couldn't handle it anymore_. Only she knew what it had been like to go through everything, at least enough to know this much, because they always protected her, and never would tell her what had actually happened--and they had gone skinny dipping on the play island.

But Riku nearly never planned their dates, could not stand it, the normalcy, and always was afraid that he would do it _wrong_, that it wouldn't be good enough, and _I'm sorry Sora, I couldn't find anything else, I hope you'll forgive me_.

And Sora always thought it was perfect, always loved their moonlit walks on the beach, and the sunset reflecting off the waters of the ocean, and the way that the sand felt in the early morning when they watched the sunrise together, and when Riku holds him close and whispers in his ear _"It reminds me of you_."

But Riku didn't believe him when he said that it was perfect, that he didn't have to try so hard, that the simple things were better than anything else that he could be given. Riku didn't believe it when Sora told him that the only thing he wanted was a kiss, and for Riku to tell him that he loved him, and his day would be perfect. And Riku didn't believe him when Sora told him that he was perfect, and that he was happy, and that he was in love.

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And sometimes, Riku leaves him. Sometimes, Riku is gone for days at a time, and never says anything to Sora when he returns, his eyes red from crying, and his clothes dirty and stained, and his knuckles bloodied, and hair singed, and smelling of magic and fire and death.

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Sometimes, it is Sora who leaves. But Sora only ever goes to Kairi's, goes there because he had a nightmare, and he couldn't tell Riku--_absolutely not, no, never. Do you hear me, Kairi? He can't know about this!_--and the nightmare's subject was obvious.

He couldn't tell Riku. He couldn't tell him of the nightmares that he had of fighting his best friend, of thinking his best friend was lost, that he had betrayed him. He couldn't tell Riku that he had nightmares of crying all night long, wishing for Riku to save him, trying to hide from Donald and Goofy, so the duck and dog didn't hear his tears, or his pain, and force him to smile again, like they had the first time he had lost Riku, in Traverse Town.

And every time he goes back home, he sees Riku, sitting on their couch, his eyes clouded green, skin pale, and clothes wrinkled. The same clothes that he was wearing the last time that Sora had seen him, before he left. And the moment that the door closed behind Sora's body, Riku's head snapped up and pointed in his direction, eyes widened and shocked, and his body was already moving so quickly, with the same speed that he had used to save Sora from Xemnas in that final battle.

"You're home," and Riku breathed it into Sora's ear, wrapping shaking arms around the brunet, entire body trembling and breath ragged, and Sora had to wrap his own arms around Riku so that they didn't collapse.

Every inch about Riku seemed to scream relief, the "Thank God" was left unsaid, but every touch of Sora's skin seemed to hold that sentiment, and Riku kissed Sora as if he would leave again, pale lips trembling and his green eyes searching and refusing to cry.

And later that night, when Riku was curled up around Sora's smaller body, clutching onto him, afraid that he would leave again, Riku spoke. "I love you," he said. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

_I don't know what I did, but you left me, you left me, oh God, what did I do wrong, what wasn't right, oh God, please tell me, I don't want to lose you again._

And Sora kissed his forehead and ran his fingers through pale hair the color of moonlight. "Shh, it's okay. I love you, Riku."

But Riku never stopped trembling.

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Sometimes, Riku and Sora fight.

They fight like how they used to: over stupid things, meaningless little things, things that they didn't need, that weren't worth it, things that they only wanted because it was something new, something whole.

But this time, this time they had no control.

They were used to fighting for their lives, and the moment one of them got angry, their weapons were summoned, blades singing through the air, and the other jumped to avoid the hit that could kill, his own weapon being summoned into existence.

Reflexes were fast, hits were aimed to kill, not to bruise. Furniture was smashed, glass was shattered, things were melted and burned and frozen and crushed.

Skin tore open and blood flowed, but the boy kept moving, kept aiming for the other, and there was shouting and anger, and pain. There was so much pain, and soon their weapons were lost on the ground, on the floor, and Sora was tripping over his Keyblade as Riku pinned him to the couch and nearly devoured his lips in a kiss, teeth biting and gnawing and tongues meeting and exploring, and hands groping.

Sora cried out as Riku bit him, hard, on the neck, nails leaving crescent marks in his arms, Sora's raking down Riku's cheeks, blood flowing from the scratches.

Pants were torn off and shirts were pushed up, and everything was so hard, so pain filled and fast and a blur of sensation and motion and--

A moan ripped itself from Sora's throat when they finished, and tears left salty tracks down his cheeks, and his head lolled against Riku's shoulder, as he whispered apologies and "I-love-you"s to Riku, who pressed Sora tightly to his own body, and they both vowed never to fight again an hour later, when Kairi stormed in screaming about how they _didn't have to do that anymore, can't you see? You're _safe_ here!_

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And sometimes, Riku breaks up with him, on a random Saturday afternoon. When there were no signs, and everything had been perfect-perfect-_perfect _as far as relationships go. But it was a Saturday afternoon, and it was sunny and bright, and the best day to go on a picnic, but Riku couldn't _take it_ anymore, so he told Sora that he still loved him but--_I have to go, can't you see? You don't… I… I can't _be with you_ anymore!_

Because he feels so wrong. So dirty and unclean, and so impure and he doesn't want to make Sora like that, doesn't want to taint him with his wrongness, so he does the only thing that he can do and tries to spare him from the hurt and the pain that would come from being with him.

He tries to end it, but…

Sora's eyes call him back, days later, when it's dark, and raining, and Riku's been _so miserable_ and _"Sora, you've been trying to find me?"_ because Sora's eyes are tinted red from crying, and the skin around his eyes is blackened from lack of sleep, and his voice was so _dry_ and sad and hopeful, and so loving and needy and it was _begging _him as he asked "Come home, Riku?"

And Riku couldn't say no, because he was supposed to be making him _happy_, dammit, and it was obvious that Sora wasn't happy like this, no, not at all, and it was _all his fault_ because he fucking _left_. He never gets it right, not ever. He was supposed to make him _happy_, he was supposed to leave and Sora would find someone who could make him happy, someone pure like Kairi, who could cherish him and keep him clean, and love him, and _not hurt him_. But he can't get it right, and he keeps trying, and _oh, god, he's supposed to be _happy!

But Riku takes Sora's hand, does what he should have done years before, back when they were both clean, before he was dirtied and tainted by the darkness and Ansem-Xehanort-Ansem, back before they knew of the evils of the world, and could smile at each other without there being any shadows in their hearts and in their eyes. Without there being any accusations that were left unspoken except for them nights when nothing was right and everything went wrong, and they shouted at each other, _"You left me!" "You didn't need me!"_ and there was no making up that night, and there was no Kairi to make things better, and Sora was gone for three days, gone because of nightmares that he thought that Riku didn't know about, nightmares that he thought he was keeping Riku safe by not telling him, keeping him happy and whole, but Sora didn't know that he talked in his sleep, he didn't know that he always cried out, always moved away from Riku's touch on the nights that they shared the bed and he had nightmares.

But Sora takes Riku home anyway, strips away the thin layer of clothing that had gotten wet over the last few days, kisses Riku's pale lips, looks into the eyes that were so _close_ to crying, but wouldn't cry, so he looked dead instead, and smiled sadly and a tear escaped his eye instead, and he whispered, _"I love you"_ just like he had when they were alone, in that other world, between light and darkness, in the world of nothing.

And he kept whispering those three words, over and over and over again, as he kissed and warmed and worshipped every part of Riku that he could, and as he tried to bring the life back into Riku's eyes, as he proved just how much he loved him, as he traced the scar that Riku had on his leg, proving just how far Riku had gone for Sora, how much Riku had given up for Sora, and promised, _promised_ with everything that he had, that Sora _loved Riku_ and Riku wasn't wrong, that he was all right, that he was fine, completely and utterly _perfect_ and that Sora loved Riku.

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Life wasn't perfect, but they loved each other. In the end, they were still together, right? After all the hardships that they had been through, after everything that had happened, and all the times that they had almost been torn apart, they were still together.

That must mean something, right?

Maybe… maybe somebody decided that these two boys deserved happiness. Maybe… maybe they were being forgiven, maybe they were being given a second chance to get things right. Because they were still together, and they still loved each other, and they couldn't live without each other. Maybe somebody loved them. Maybe somebody hated them, kept them together because they always could hurt each other, but could repair it again, just like before.

Because after all that they had been through, after they had saved the world so many times, more than one world, even, maybe somebody decided that they deserved it. That they could rest, could try to become happy.

Sora still had nightmares, and never told Riku. Riku still broke up with Sora on random Saturday afternoons. Sora still left and didn't return until days later, and they still got into fights over nothing. Riku still left at strange times, and returned days later with bloodied knuckles and bruises decorating his pale skin, and Sora still made romantic plans for romantic dates.

---End---

**Standard Disclaimers.**


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